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Guide to Better Sex

Sex, like most other functions of our body is a normal process. As other functions, like for example, the digestion, can be upset by factors like a bad mood, stress or similar such things, so can the sexual function be disturbed by a whole lot of factors. These may not necessarily involve the anatomy but instead it’s the mind, which makes the difference.

If sex is allowed to happen naturally, in a relaxed way, our bodies will respond normally without any conscious effort on our part.

There are a wide variety of problem or situations that can upset the normal sexual responsiveness, most of them, fortunately, can be helped in a positive manner by understanding on our part. Here are a few of the most common amongst them and ways to improve.

Misunderstanding and/or lack of information about sex

Its indeed one of the most telling ironies that Sex, despite being one of the most commonly discussed topic in our lives and in the media, there is a surprising lack of correct information about ‘What to Expect and How to Act’.

  

Those images of the ‘Perfect Macho Man and The Perfect Sensual Woman’

on the TV and in the Magazines make us feel that Sex instead of being a perfectly normal natural and enjoyable thing, is an ‘Act to be Performed to Perfection’. All this does it to add to the confusion and leads to unrealistic fears, expectations and fantasies.

 Bad feelings about Sex and its Consequences

  • Fear of pregnancy; Fear of pain; Fear of being caught / heard / or interrupted.

  • Performance Anxiety-Fear of failing to perform well.

  • Fear of losing control (during orgasm) and /or becoming vulnerable.

  • Looking unattractive during the climax.

  • Bad feelings about yourself or your body like, feeling that the body is  unattractive. Feelings that I am not successful (low self-esteem).

Problems in Relationship

Anger/resentment against the partner should be resolved as it can decrease the performance and pleasure while having sex.

Unsuitable Circumstances

While a ‘Quickie’ sometimes can be fun! But normally Good Sex requires a relaxed mind and body. Too much of a hurry, tiredness or preoccupation can rob you of the pleasures of Sex.

Performance Anxiety

This is one of the most significant problems in the way of Good Sex. We often forget that Sex is something that comes naturally to all of us, instead, we seem to view ourselves as performers who have to complete an act to perfection.

Spectator Role

Quite often we start observing ourselves as an audience, instead of really participating in it. – We observe ourselves ‘doing the act’, as if on stage (now coming, now coming...., so again it doesn't,...I knew it…etc.)

A Small Guide For Couple Happiness (Only For Men)

1.You have watched them many times tossing about under the coat, thrilling; you have often admired them through your lover's daring décolletages. Now, when they are offered to you willingly, learn to profit to the full by their nectar. Touch them with the tip of your fingers. Softly pinch their nipples, play with these two halos. Put your both hands on her breasts, massage them, and delicately knead them. Now they are ready to welcome your passionate kisses. Insist on the nipples, for they are very sensitive and very responsive to tenderness. Even it is small, the breast loves to be observed and adored, as it ought to be.

2.The buttocks are always in the centre of your attention. You often notice them before any other part of the body. Learn how to show them interest. Suggest your partner to lie on her belly, thus offering you a remarkable view of her hidden beauty. Put your both hands on her buttocks and start by touching them tenderly, then, making circular movements, move away and draw near these so exciting round parts. This is an erogenous zone which few are aware of. Massage the sacrum, gently press the coccyx, and then slowly massage downwards. So as to make her enjoy your caresses more, ask your partner to curve a little and you will thus admire her as much as you wish.

3. Caress her breasts with your penis. Before penetrating the already wet cave of your partner who is at the climax of excitation, caress her in a less usual manner, but an extremely sensual one. Lie over her after she lies on her back, then imitate the moves of penetration. The penis being already hard, hitting and at the same time touching her tenderly, these caresses are enough to overwhelm her. So touch her breasts with your penis, prick her delicately in her navel, in the clitoris, touch her most erogenous zone. The atmosphere is getting hotter and hotter and the lubricated liquid that runs out from her vagina is driving you crazy.

4. Her beautiful sex being already prepared by your attentive care, you could now be more concerned with the clitoris. For the beginning touch it tenderly with your tongue, softly, then more and more forcible, more insistently. Kiss it, bite it softly, and delicately caress it with your tongue. Seize it with your lips as if you wanted to inspire it, while with your tongue you hit it jerky and tenderly at the same time.

5. Move away her labia using your forefingers and with your thumb touch the clitoris more and more insistently. This type of stimulation is often enough to make many women to reach the orgasm .

6. Encourage her to stimulate herself. Having her in your view all the time, with sensual pleasure relish the fingers you have used to stimulate her clitoris. You might also encourage her to stimulate herself. For the beginning direct her hand towards her breasts, then towards her belly, and finally towards her sex. Let her express herself freely, just watch her, encourage her with a word, a moan of pleasure and admiration. Then start to caress her in order to show her how much excited you are by what she does.

7. When she comes over you, you must know how to stoop like a real horse. Lift the pelvis with strength, make some circular movements. Leaning on your shoulders and feet, lift the pelvis a little bit higher so that your lover should feel safe in the saddle. Keep staying in this position as long as possible. As soon as feel tired and come back to the previous position, your lover will fall from the saddle right in your arms.

8. Lift her pelvis. If she is impatient and eager to make love, but a little bit lazier, put some pillows under her buttocks. Or, in order to offer her even more pleasure, you could hold her in this position, taking advantage of this occasion to sensually massage her buttocks.

Some Common Misconception About Sex

  

  • The penis can become erect at very early stage, especially in a young man. This does not mean that he is necessarily ready for intercourse and he may start too soon - before his partner feels ready. She may become anxious as she feels she is keeping him waiting.

  • Vaginal lubrication may remain hidden especially in lying down positions. Both partners may assume she is not responding, when in fact she is. Penis gives a more obvious signal which the vagina may not.

  • Arousal comes in waves in both the man and the woman. This is normal. The decline doesn't mean that something is wrong.

  • Premature ejaculation (coming too soon, before the partner is ready) is normal in young men, particularly when very much aroused. Control comes with learning and practice.

  • Many women may not have orgasm but are fully responsive. This doesn’t mean that they are frigid.

  • Early sexual relationships may not have orgasms in women. Partners need not worry. Anxiety further inhibits it.

  • The husband snoring one minute after ejaculating can produce resentment if the wife is still feeling the need for intimacy. The men have their refractory period (time during which sexual arousal is difficult) very fast. Woman need not feel upset (as if being used as a sleeping pill) - you can wake up your husband sometimes and let him know.

Cultivate Your Sexual Energy Through Self-Stimulation

  

The most important thing, before learning how to cultivate your sexual energy through self-stimulation is to realize the necessity of cultivating your love.

The sacred vision of sexuality is essential in every sexual practice. Therefore, in the absence of love, this feeling of sacred disappears.

Consequently, love is the foundation of each sexual practice and it is love that grows in intensity and becomes more refined.

Thus, through the practice, one may get to experience the pure, archetypal love of the union of the masculine and feminine principles, a love that is also the foundation of creation.

Make Your Love Grow

Many men practice self-stimulation, but very few use this opportunity to make their love grow. This is an easy task if you realize that inside each man there is also a feminine aspect, just as inside each woman there is a masculine aspect.

This is obvious on a physical level due to the fact that women and men have both male and female hormones. Likewise, on a psychological level, any man has a female part inside of him, and every woman has a masculine side.

The degree of awareness and manifestation of this complementary aspect differs from person to person. Nonetheless, each of us may develop it through awareness. 

This aspect is relevant for the issue we discuss in the sense that while masturbating, you may think that you are actually making love to your feminine counterpart.

This feminine counterpart bears the name, according to K.G. Jung, of ANIMA, while the male counterpart present in each woman is named ANIMUS.

A perfect lover also loves himself in a healthy way, not because of narcissism or other psychological disturbances. 

The cultivation of sexual energy mainly refers to its growth in quantity and intensity. This is an important aspect, because sexual energy is the energetic base of any experience we may have, be it of an affectionate, mental or spiritual nature.

Consequently, a great quantity of sexual energy is a powerful current source for our physical states, both positive and negative. This is the reason for which it is highly important that you always keep a happy, optimistic inner attitude, regarding your feelings and thoughts.

  

Sexual energy intensifies love, if love is what you feel. If what you feel is hatred, your hate will be even more intense and powerful.

An essential aspect is understanding the manner in which the sexual energy "nourishes" your emotions, both in your individual practice as well as in a couple.

Growing your sexual energy in the previously discussed manner and associating it with the energy of love will also help you avoid ejaculation. The direct consequence is obvious, as you know from your own experience that it is a lot more difficult to be in control when you feel anxious or angry.

The tantric tradition includes an exercise that implies the visualization of an energetic channel connecting the genial area to the heart area, during lovemaking. Thus, the sexual energy will be sublimated at the level of "nourishing" the love you will experience then.

Here is another experience of a man practicing sexual continence:

"Before I began my practice with sexual continence, I used to wish that I could separate sex from emotions. Nonetheless, since I started this practice, I have discovered that my sexual organs are much more connected to my heart. I discovered that I have a deep and real feeling of love for my beloved and even for other people as well."

He Taoists have a simple exercise in order to "connect" your "heart" with your "genital area", or in other words to connect your love and your sexuality in a harmonious manner.

If ever you should feel irritated, frustrated or distracted before lovemaking, perform this exercise:

Place you right hand on the genital area and your left hand on the heart area, thus making a "connection" between the two areas of your body.

If you used to have states of irritation or anger, it is recommend that you learn to control and then even transform these negative feelings before you start the practice.

In order to help this transformation along, we recommend the Hatha Yoga asana-s, because they make the sexual energy circulate through your entire body, eliminating blockages.

Loving yourself - a feeling quite different from egocentrism and narcissism - is important in one's tantric practice. In the following, you will be introduced to a self-pleasing exercise that will help you extend your sensual pleasure and focus throughout your whole body.

  

You will also learn other complex exercises that will allow you to control your level of arousal and even to experience multiple orgasms.

However, all these exercises are based on the idea of becoming aware of your own pleasure and sensuality, and therefore the first object of our study is self-stimulation.

If you succeed in experiencing the involuntary contractions of the PC muscle and not ejaculating, you are on the right path to becoming a multiple orgasm man. If you have two such orgasms, you are already a multi-orgasmic man.

In the beginning, it is natural that these orgasms will not shatter the earth, but it is also possible that they will spread through your entire body. Enjoy the thrills of those mini-orgasms. 

A practitioner of sexual continence describes his experience as follows:

"When I feel close to the point of non-return, I usually stop, relax and take a deep breath. It is as if I abandon myself in a non-ejaculatory orgasm. Sometimes I perceive it as a pleasant contraction of the prostate. Other times I perceive it in my genitalia and this orgasm is almost as intense - or even more intense - than an ejaculatory orgasm."

Self- Stimulation Exercise

1. Start by lubricating your penis very well. The lubricant will intensify your sensations. Oil is especially recommended, because lotions dry to easily.

2. Start to caress your body as you please, also massaging your scrotum, testicles and the penis on its entire length, as well as the pelvic floor, including the point placed between the anus and the sexual organs. 

3. Try to become aware of your levels of arousal. Notice the tingling that may appear at the base of the penis, the stages in your erection, and your cardiac rhythm.

4. When you feel close to ejaculation, stop and rest. Notice the contraction of the PC muscle, and do not be surprised if some time will pass before you will be able to experience those contractions without ejaculating. You may also squeeze the PC muscle around the prostate, if the prostate begins to contract and you fear ejaculation.

5. After you feel you regained full control over your excitement, start caressing again and continue as long as you feel comfortable.

Questions About Sex For Young People

One of the most recent studies done by the Kinsley Institute in the USA reached the conclusion that a man usually ejaculates 5.000 times during a lifetime and they estimated that this corresponds to approximately 16 liters of sperm.

Thus, according to specialists in the area, a young man of 15 ejaculates five times a week, and at 30 years three times a week.

Furthermore, the statistics performed by sexology-researchers have indicated that one man discharges about 200 to 500 billion of spermatozoa during one ejaculation.

Theoretically, one ejaculation may conceive the entire population of the USA, a fact that confirms the idea that man has a stock of sexual energy even more powerful than the atomic bomb. The question that comes out naturally is the following: what would a man who does not ejaculate be capable of and how would he use this energy. He could easily become a superman!

However, before starting your practice in the area of the sexual continence, you should find out more about the priceless treasure that you have within.

1. Does the ejaculatory liquid normally contain sperm?

Yes, except in pathological cases, the ejaculatory liquid contains: lubricating liquid, spermatic liquid, prostate liquid and sometimes a little urine.

2. In the moment of the ejaculation, do the testicles come up towards the body?

Yes. Usually, the left testicle of men is smaller than the right one and hangs lower. During ejaculation, the muscles that sustain the testicles contract and thus the testicles are drawn towards the abdomen.

They may even leave the scrotum, and climb up towards the abdomen. There is nothing to worry about, because after a short moment of relaxation they come back to their place. If this should not happen, check with your physician.

3. Can the volume of sperm become greater for procreation purposes?

Yes. This usually happens if the man does not make love for 7 days beforehand. The quantity of sperm builds up and when the discharge takes place, the sperm will be in greater quantity. 

4. Does orgasm imply ejaculation?

No. By training your PC muscles and practicing to control your genitals, you will find out that you are capable of discerning between orgasm as a complex psychic state and ejaculation, as a mundane physical act.

This allows a man to experience several states of orgasm without experiencing the unpleasant and undesirable effects of repeated ejaculations.

The oriental theme of sexual continence clearly explains the difference between orgasm and ejaculation and offers practical solutions to get here.

5. Does the sperm always contain spermatozoa?

No. Maybe due to testicle related problems, or to an obstruction of the channel that allows the sperm to get out of the body, the spermatic level may not contain spermatozoa.

Vasectomy, the surgical obstruction of the spermatic channels prevents the spermatozoa from passing towards the seminal testicles and is sometimes used as a contraceptive method.

6. Can the sperm change its color?

Yes. In the case of a urinary infection, the sperm may become yellowish, and in case of hemorrhage it becomes pink, or even red. Any change in the sperm color should be a clear sign of trouble so please check with a specialist. 

7. Do tight pants prevent the secretion of sperm?

Yes. Tight pants keep the testicles close to the rest of the body and thus their temperature rises. The temperature of the testicles should normally be 2 degrees below the temperature of the rest of the body in order for sperm to be produced.

8. Does swallowing the sperm transmit the germs it might contain?

Yes. If the sperm contains pathogen germs, they will be transmitted though the digestive mucous of the woman and carry on the infection. Therefore, this is a way of transmitting many sexual diseases.

9. Can sperm be used to identify a man?

Yes. The sperm is a genuine genetic print; the smell, taste and consistency are different and unique for each man

10. Do larger testicles contain more sperm than smaller testicles?

Yes, and this is because they contain more channels required for its production. The principle according to which capacity determines quantity applies here as well.

11. Do women perceive a man's ejaculation inside their vagina?

Not necessarily. The lubrication of the vagina during intercourse reduces to a minimum its capacity of distinguishing between the liquids present inside. Most of the time, the woman anticipate the moment of ejaculation because of the contractions of the penis that precede this moment.

12. Does the quantity of sperm decreases with age?

Yes. Because of repeated ejaculation, the secretions of the glands decrease. Another reason for this is the decrease of the number of hormones and the weakening of the sexual muscles.

13. Can one ejaculate even if he does not have an erection?

Yes. Men suffering from impotence may ejaculate in the absence of a flow of blood that usually causes the penis to swell and become erect. 

14. Does the volume of the sperm reach 4 ml?

Yes. However, this volume is different from man to man and depends on circumstances.

15. Can drugs influence ejaculation?

Yes. The drugs used in neuropsychological treatments (neurological, anti-depressives) may have this side effect. However, most treatments of this kind inhibit sperm secretion.

16. What is the average penis size? 

Penis size differs from person to person. The average length when erect is 10-18cm (4-7in) although there maybe some variation between different races and nationalities.

17. My penis is curved. Is that normal?

It is quite normal for a man's penis to curve or lean slightly to the right or the left when erect. Many men's penises will curve upwards too. However, if the penis suddenly develops a lump which causes it to bend abnormally, it should probably be checked by a doctor. It may be a sign of a condition called Peyronie's disease, which isn't life threatening, but may be uncomfortable and require treatment.

18. Does my vagina look the way it should?

Vaginas come in all different shapes and sizes, just as other parts of the body do, so there is no set way that a vagina should look.

A woman's sex organs are protected by two thick folds of skin or "lips" called the outer labia. Inside these is another set of lips known as the inner labia. These are thinner than the outer labia and are usually slightly different lengths. In some women the inner labia will stick out below the outer labia. In other women it will be the other way round. Women also have a clitoris, which is a small sensitive bump a little way above the urethra (urine hole) and the entrance to the vagina.

19. How do you ask someone out?

You could start off by simply smiling, making eye contact and saying hello. If they notice you, you could then think about taking things further. Look for clues about their interests, as these can be a good starting point for conversations. If they seem happy to chat, you could then introduce yourself and eventually work up to meeting for lunch, a coffee, or a trip the cinema etc.

Even though it can be nerve-racking asking somebody out, don't try too hard to make an impression. The most important thing really is to be relaxed and be yourself: that way they will know your interest is genuine. Even if the person concerned doesn't seem interested, at least you will know you tried.

20.Does sexual intercourse hurt the first time?

First time sex can be painful, as the penis entering the vagina can stretch or tear the hymen (the thin layer of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina). Not all girls have hymens (they may have been born without one or may have broken it through sport or inserting tampons earlier in life) but if they do and it tears, a girl may bleed a little. She may also find this bleeding continues the next few times she has sex, although once the tear has healed, she shouldn't have any further problems.

Being nervous and tense the first time can mean a girl does not produce enough natural lubrication to allow easy penetration. Nerves can also cause the muscles in a girl's vagina to tense up, making penetration difficult. Both of these problems can make sex more painful.

21.Is there anything I can do to reduce the pain the first time I have sex?

The most important thing you can do to reduce the pain is to relax. Being relaxed, and absolutely sure you're doing the right thing means you're less likely to involuntarily tighten your vaginal muscles, and more likely to produce natural vaginal lubrication. You could also try using a lubricant, as this will make penetration easier. However if you are using condoms, you must use a water-based lubricant such as KY Jelly (available from most supermarkets and chemists). An oil-based lubricant like Vaseline will cause the latex of the condom to disintegrate.

22.I'm not sure I am ready to have sex yet.

It is really important not to be pressurized into having sex when you really don't want to. Just because your friends say that they are doing it doesn't mean they actually are. There is no 'right' age to start having sex. What is important is choosing a time that is right for you. There are many ways in which you can give and receive sexual pleasure without having sexual intercourse.

Thinking through all the implications of having sex can be a useful way of helping you arrive at a decision. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to have sex. Being pushed into having sex when you don't want to could mean you might regret it later on. 

Although it can be hard to say what you want, it is also important to talk to your partner before you sleep together for the first time. As a rule, if you can't talk about sex, then you're not ready to have it yet. Try and be open about how you're feeling. Talking to each other will increase your confidence and reassure you that you both care about each other and are looking after each other's feelings. Also, it gives you the opportunity to talk about things that you might be worried about. Remember, even if you feel ready for sex, your partner might not, so always give them the chance to be honest with you.

23.Is there a "safe time" to have sexual intercourse?

There is no safe time to have unprotected sex if you wish to avoid pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases. STDs can be transmitted whenever an infected person has sex with an uninfected person, and pregnancy is always a possibility, even during a girl's period. Although women are generally only fertile for a few days every month (usually around the middle of the menstrual cycle), most women have no definite way of knowing when this is. Sperm can also survive inside the body for several days, meaning a woman can potentially become pregnant over quite a long period of time. If she has irregular periods, "safe" days can be particularly difficult to predict. Some couples do use the so called 'rhythm' method as a form of contraception, but the success rate is not high, and it also offers no protection from STDs.

24.Can a girl still get pregnant if a boy pulls out before he ejaculates?

If a boy pulls his penis out before he ejaculates, the girl can still become pregnant. Sperm can be present in pre-come (the lubricating fluid that leaks from the penis before and during sex) and just a small amount in or around the vagina can be enough to make a woman pregnant.
 

 
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